Why do men cry alone

A few years back, I was working late on a Friday. We had an application go live next week, and I had a pile of work to complete before heading out for the weekend.

Around 2 am, I started feeling sleepy, so I went to the men’s room to splash some water on my face to stay fresh. I was reaching for the paper towel to dry up my face when I heard some high-pitched ugly sobbing voice coming from one of those toilet cubicles. 

I heard someone talking on the phone and crying unstoppably. I overheard the words, “Please don’t do this.”

He was crying heavily and repeating those words.

That voice and the “a guy crying in office men’s room” moment felt familiar. 

  • Voice because I knew that person. He used to sit in the cubical next to the conference room opposite my cubical.
  • And the crying because I had been in one of those cubicles too, crying the same way, a few months back.

I had seen that guy multiple times a week before, working, chilling, talking to teammates in the office Lyft. He was happy. 

Suddenly that same guy is crying like a child, hiding his voice and face behind that plastic cubicle door.

I comprehended what that guy was going through. What had brought a happy guy to the verge of crying and sobbing inside the office men’s room at 2 am?

His girl was broking up with him, shattering his heart into million pieces. Something deep inside him was tearing apart. He was in agony.

We men always try hard not to cry or not be seen with tears. We always hear phrases for men–

  • “Crying is for pussies.”
  •  Men don’t cry. 
  • Men do not feel pain.

Crying for a man has always been seen as a weakness. 

If your friends see you crying, they will be telling you — Be a freaking man. Grow some balls.

So when we find ourselves in a situation where we cannot control our tears, we try to find a place where no one can see or hear us.

I have found guys crying late at night at all sorts of places in the office — Empty stairways, men’s room, pantry, balcony, and smoking zones. 

When I see a man crying, I know he is in immense pain. He is processing his emotions, his pain. 

If I were a heart-break doctor, I would prescribe crying for a week to everyone, once a day. 

Crying is highly therapeutic. It helps you recover from grief and pain.

There is a reason guys take longer to get over from breakup –because they don’t cry enough. 

We men need to come out of the “Men don’t cry” mindset.

Crying will not make us any less of a man — It shows us that we are not fucking robots. 


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